Lehrstuhl für Theoretische und Angewandte Mikroökonomik

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Theoretische und Angewandte Mikroökonomik
Prof. Dr. Jörg Schimmelpfennig

Ruhr-Universität » WiWi-Fakultät » Mikro

Willkommen

Herzlich willkommen auf unserer Homepage.

Aktuelles

16.05.2012

Weiterführende Mikroökonomik:
Aufgabenblatt 2 (pdf)

30.04.2012

Weiterführende Mikroökonomik:
Die Anmeldung zur Hausarbeit erfolgt über diesen Link. (Anmeldeschluss: 11.05.2012)
Hausarbeitsthemen (pdf)

30.04.2012

Weiterführende Mikroökonomik:
Aufgabenblatt 1 (pdf)

17.04.2012

Klausureinsicht "Weiterführende Mikroökonomik" (BSc):
Die Klausureinsicht "Weiterführende Mikroökonomik" (BSc) findet von 10.00 bis 12.00Uhr im Raum GC 2/152 statt. Zur Einsichtnahme ist der Studentenausweis mitzubringen. Eine Einsicht ohne vorherige Anmeldung ist aus organisatorischen Gründen nicht möglich.

17.04.2012

Klausureinsicht MSc & Hauptstudium Diplom Mikroökonomik:
Die Klausureinsichten finden von 10.00 bis 12.00Uhr statt.

- Transportökonomik im Raum GC 2/154
- Advanced Microeconomics/Mikroökonomische Theorie II im Raum GC 2/154

- Regulierung im Raum GC 2/153
- Defence Economics im Raum GC 2/153

- Industrieökonomik im Raum GC 2/152

Zur Einsichtnahme ist der Studentenausweis mitzubringen. Eine Einsicht ohne vorherige Anmeldung ist aus organisatorischen Gründen nicht möglich.

12.04.2012

Klausurtermine Sommersemester 2012:

Bachelor		Weiterführende Mikroökonomik - Do, 19.07.2012, 12 - 14 Uhr
Master		Regulierung - Di, 03.07.2012, 16 - 18 Uhr
		Advanced Microeconomics - Mi, 04.07.2012, 14 - 16 Uhr
		Transportökonomik - Do, 05.07.2012, 14 - 16 Uhr
		Öffentliche Unternehmen - Di, 17.07.2012, 8 - 10 Uhr
		Industrieökonomik - Do, 19.07.2012, 8 - 10 Uhr

11.04.2012

Klausureinsicht MSc & Hauptstudium Diplom Mikroökonomik:
Die Klausureinsichten

- Advanced Microeconomics/Mikroökonomische Theorie II (Anmeldelink)
- Defence Economics (Anmeldelink)
- Transportökonomik (Anmeldelink)
- Regulierung (Anmeldelink)
- Industrieökonomik (Anmeldelink)

finden am Mittwoch, dem 18. April 2012, von 10.00 bis 12.00Uhr statt. Der Raum wird später bekanntgegeben. Die Anmeldung über den jeweiligen Link ist zwingend erforderlich. Zur Einsichtnahme ist der Studentenausweis mitzubringen. Eine Einsicht ohne vorherige Anmeldung ist aus organisatorischen Gründen nicht möglich. (Anmeldeschluss: 17.04.2012)

11.04.2012

Klausureinsicht "Weiterführende Mikroökonomik" (BSc):
Die Klausureinsicht "Weiterführende Mikroökonomik" (BSc) findet am Mittwoch, dem 18. April 2012, von 10.00 bis 12.00Uhr statt. Der Raum wird später bekanntgegeben. Die Anmeldung über diesen Link ist zwingend erforderlich. Zur Einsichtnahme ist der Studentenausweis mitzubringen. Eine Einsicht ohne vorherige Anmeldung ist aus organisatorischen Gründen nicht möglich. (Anmeldeschluss: 17.04.2012)

05.04.2012

Spieltheorie:
Es ist ja nicht so, daß wir grundsätzlich nicht auf Wünsche von studentischer Seite eingingen, daher hier einmal als erster Schritt Kopien der Mitschrift der Vorlesung vom 4. April 2012 von Lavinia Viola (pdf) – ob daraus aber vielleicht eines Tages sogar ein vollständiges Skript wird, können und wollen wir nicht versprechen.

ältere Mitteilungen

Veranstaltungen Sommersemester 2012

Bachelor

Weiterführende Mikroökonomik

- Vorl. Intermediate Microeconomics - Mo, 12-14Uhr, HZO 40

- Vorl. Spieltheorie und Anwendungen - Mi, 12-14Uhr, HZO 40

- Übung Weiterführende Mikroökonomik - Do, 12-14Uhr, HZO 50

Master

Öffentliche Unternehmen - Mo, 14-16Uhr, HGC 50

Industrieökonomik - Di, 12-14Uhr, HZ0 60

Diplom

Seminar zur Mikroökonomik
Die Vorbesprechung zu unserem Seminar (Diplom Wirtschaftswissenschaft - SVWL Mikroökonomik) findet am Mittwoch, dem 4. April 2012, um 14Uhr ct im Raum GC 03/46 statt.
Die Teilnahme an der Vorbesprechung ist Voraussetzung für die Aufnahme ins Seminar. Eine Ausnahme kann nur gemacht werden, wenn, sollte die Anwesenheit bei der Vorbesprechung aus terminlichen Gründen nicht möglich sein, dem Lehrstuhl vor der Vorbesprechung eine entsprechende kurze schriftliche Mitteilung mit ausreichender Begründung (ggfs. auch per e-mail )zugegangen ist.

Themenüberblick (pdf)

Übergangsregelung vom Diplom-Studiengang zum Bachelor bzw. Master-Studiengang (pdf)

zum Bereich Lehre

Klausurtermine Sommersemester 2012

Bachelor		Weiterführende Mikroökonomik - Do, 19.07.2012, 12 - 14 Uhr
Master		Regulierung - Di, 03.07.2012, 16 - 18 Uhr
		Advanced Microeconomics - Mi, 04.07.2012, 14 - 16 Uhr
		Transportökonomik - Do, 05.07.2012, 14 - 16 Uhr
		Öffentliche Unternehmen - Di, 17.07.2012, 8 - 10 Uhr
		Industrieökonomik - Do, 19.07.2012, 8 - 10 Uhr
		zum Bereich Lehre

Fundstücke

“I remember when I made my debut down at Norwich. I said to Joe Fagan 40 minutes before the game, 'What do you want me to do?' He said, 'Listen, we've signed you because you're a good player, just go and show us what a good player you are, whatever you want to do.' ” (Jan Molby remembering Joe Fagan)
“I don't want people to take it the wrong way, and certainly intend no disrespect to Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley, but, to me, Joe was the best, respected throughout football and in life. He was probably the most respected man in football and the guy given the least praise. Others have been honoured for their contributions to football - but Joe was the top man. He was my mentor, from the day I first arrived at the club as a young boy. He was like my father in football, and many of the lads feel the same way as I do about him. He was deeply involved in the running of all the great Liverpool teams until the day he left. Of course, he will be remembered by most for winning a Treble in 1984, but he was a top coach for 30 years. People didn't see much of him after he retired. It wasn't so much that he was a private man, more because he was a family man.” Roy Evans, Liverpool FC manager 1984–1998, on Joe Fagan, Liverpool manager 1983-1985)
“ 'Keep it simple, don't complicate things.' He loathed all soccerspeak; he wouldn't have recognised a Christmas-tree formation if it had toppled on to him. 'What does getting round the back mean?' he would ask. 'We're not talking about burglars are we?' ” (Joe Fagan on Bob Paisley)
“What fun do monks have? Nun.” (Sir Edwin Landseer Lutyens)
“Football is not a matter of life and death... it's much more important than that.” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“Forget the Beatles and all the rest. This is the real Liverpool sound. It's real singing, and it's what the Kop is all about.” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“Bob [Paisley] and I never had any rows. We didn’t have any time for that. We had to plan where we were going to keep all the cups we won.” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“Burns was early socialist - the first was Jesus Christ of course. He didn’t think that God made people to be unequal, he thought everyone should share in the work and the rewards.” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“The socialism I believe in is not really politics. It is a way of living. It is humanity. I believe the only way to live and to be truly successful is by collective effort, with everyone working for each other, everyone helping each other, and everyone having a share of the rewards at the end of the day.” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“If you've got three Scots in your side, you've got a chance of winning something. If you've got any more, you're in trouble” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“Liverpool is not only a club. It's an institution. And my aim was to bring the people close to the club and the team and for them to accepted as a part of it. The effect was that wives brought their late husband's ashes to Anfield and scattered them on the pitch after saying a little prayer. That's how close the people have come to this club. When they wanted to scatter the ashes of their loved one, who wanted to be part of the club when they were dead, I said to them: 'In you come, you're welcome.' And they trooped in by the dozen. One young boy got killed at his work and a bus load of 50 people came to Anfield one Sunday to scatter his ashes at the Kop end. It was very, very sad. Another family came with a man's ashes when the ground was frost-bound. So the groundsman had the difficult job of digging a hole in the pitch inside the Kop net. He dug it a foot down at the right-hand side of the post facing the Kop and casket containing the man's ashes were placed in it. So people not only support Liverpool when they're alive. They support them when they are dead. This is the true story of Liverpool. This is possibly why Liverpool are so great. There is no hypocrisy about it. It is sheer honesty. Laughingly I have said, when a ball has been headed out of that particular corner of the net: 'That's the bloke in there again! He's having a blinder today.' But I wasn't trying to be funny really. I don't think we lost a goal at that end for years after the man's ashes were placed in there." ” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“They said we were predictable. Well, I think anybody who is unpredictable is a waste of time. Joe Louis was predictable. He would knock a man down on the floor. Goodbye! We were predictable, but the opposition couldn't stop us!” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“Liverpool were made for me and I was made for Liverpool, and I knew that the people who mattered most were the ones who came through the turnstiles.” (Bill Shankly, Liverpool FC manager 1959-1974)
“They never failed to do their best, their hearts were true and tender, they simply lived for those they loved and those they loved remember.” (Commemorative plaque in honour of Kathleen and Eugene Hughes, on a bench in West Kirby, facing the Irish Sea)
I knew a maid, a young enthusiast: Birds in the bower, & Lambs in the green field, Could they have known her, would have loved; methought Her very presence such a sweetness breathed, That flowers & trees, and even the silent hills, And everything she looked on, should have had An intimation how she bore herself Towards them and to all creatures. God delights In such a being; for, her common thoughts Are piety, her life is gratitude. (Excerpts from a poem by William Wordsworth on a sculpture in Liverpool Cathedral)
“We are all replaceable. All the cemeteries are full of replaceable people.” (Arsène Wenger on the possibility of Cesc Fabregas leaving Arsenal)
“You can call me Joe from now on.” (Joe Fagan’s way of telling his players that he resigned as Liverpool FC manager)
“The whole of my life, what they wanted was honesty. They were not concerned with cultured football, but with triers who gave one hundred percent.” (Bob Paisley on the Kop)
“I said that when I took over that I would settle for a drop of Bell's once a month, a big bottle at the end of the season and a ride round the city in an open top bus!” (Bob Paisley, manager of Liverpool FC 1974-1983)
“My uncle was a slaughterman for the Co-op and I used to get pigs' bladders off him to use as footballs in the street.” (Bob Paisley, Liverpool FC player 1939-1954)
“One needs to be sad indeed to spend four days watching a group of people of whom one has never heard playing a game of little relevance as slowly as possible.” *(Simon Heffer on four-day country cricket, The Spectator)*
“We are taught ‘Hate the sin and love the sinner’. Papers like News of the World reverse this. They have no abhorrence of sin at all, but they hate sinners – in other words, the whole human race – and persecute their chosen victims with the implacable cruelty which always lies behind populism and sentimentality.” *(Charles Moore, The Spectator)*
“The fact is that moderate Islamism is a myth. There are, to be sure, more than a billion moderate Muslims – people who pray five times a day or not, fast during Ramadan or not, perhaps entertain superstitions about pork, the devil, or the conduct of the birds vis-à-vis the Kaaba, or indeed seek by painstaking study of the Koran and the Hadith to reconcile the basic values of their religion with modern life and the discoveries of science. But Islamism is a political ideology that takes the literal, fundamentalist interpretation of the Koran as a master plan for society: Islamic law. You are either an Islamist or you are not, in the same ways that you cannot be a little bit pregnant.” *(John R. Bradley, “Summer of hate”, The Spectator)*
“You need only do three things in this country to avoid poverty - finish high school, marry before having a child, and marry after the age of 20. Only 8 percent of the families who do this are poor; 79 percent of those who fail to do this are poor.” (William Galston, adviser to Bill Clinton)
“Apache! – Don’t bother running… you’ll only die tired.” (Seen on a t-shirt showing an Apache helicopter gunship)
“Ike Beats Tina to Death.” (New York Post headline after the death of Ike Turner from an cocaine overdose in 2007; Ike Turner had physically abused Tina Turner during their marriage that had ended in divorce in 1978)
“Male readers should know that women are oppressed by restaurants. We are usually stuck by the toilets as if we were incontinent, or have a psychic need to be near mirrors and plumbing.” *(Tanya Gold, The Spectator)*
“My boyfriend, who arrives late, says his antipasti are ‘fine’. But he says that about everything. They could turn to dust in his mouth and he would say fine. That is why I am marrying him…. Boyfriend doesn’t have pudding, which means he doesn’t like the restaurant. Do you like this restaurant? ‘It’s fine’, he says.” *(Tanya Gold, The Spectator)*
“Both Swiss centre backs were trained by Arsenal. Just in case you were wondering why they look so shaky.” (1_1andrew1_1 on Twitter, commenting England 2–2 Switzerland)
“George Stigler Nobel laureate and a leader of Chicago School was asked why there were no Nobel Prizes awarded in the other social sciences, sociology, psychology, history, etc. "Don't worry", Stigler said, "they have already have a Nobel Prize in ...Literature.” (Robert Kuttner, The Poverty of Economics, The Atlantic Monthly, Feb 1985, p. 79)
A true story: "I heard this from one of my professors. To protect him, no names will be revealed. This professor was about to get married. He went to the jewelers to get a wedding ring for his fiancee. The jeweler told him that he can have the inside of the ring engraved with the name of his fiancee for an additional $20 (remember, this was a LONG time ago). He said, "But that will reduce the resale value!" The jeweler was aghast. He said, "How can you say such a thing. You are a butcher!" "No," replied the professor, "I am an economist"." (told by Tapen Sinha, PhD)
High Flight Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings, Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there, I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air. Up, up the long, delirious burning blue I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace Where never lark, or even eagle flew. And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod The high untrespassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand, and touched the face of God. (Pilot Officer John Gillespie Magee, Jr., September 1941)
“A horse walked into a bar. The barman said ’Why the long face?’ And the horse said ‘Because I have been shooed out of the station.’” (SEmG banter about the “white pony” incident)
Wrexham railway station pony seen in hospital and pub “More images have emerged of places visited by a mystery man and his pony, including a hospital A&E department and a pub. The animal was caught on CCTV waiting in line at the reception desk at Wrexham Maelor Hospital's emergency department. Meanwhile, shoppers have also snapped pictures as the animal was led into a pub in Wrexham. The RSPCA said it was concerned and was viewing CCTV tapes. Retired teacher George Cawley, 62, was about to have a pub lunch with his wife last Friday when the man walked in "matter of fact" leading his pony. He described it as a "crazy" scene which caused "uproar" among shoppers and customers, although the pony seemed relaxed and undistracted. Mr Cawley explained after pub staff asked the man - and pony - to leave it was later seen tied up outside another pub in the town centre. That was the same day the animal was taken into the A&E department where the man had asked for treatment for the animal from a doctor. A health board spokesman added: "He was politely asked to leave the premises by the security guard and duly left, taking the pony with him." A horse, similar to the description, was spotted on Thursday grazing near Wrexham Maelor Hospital's helipad. It had first emerged the man tried to get on the train at Wrexham General station with the white pony in tow, but other sightings have since been revealed. After a conductor refused him entry to a train, the man returned to the ticket booth where he tried to buy two tickets - for himself and the animal. The man tried to travel on Saturday's 1902 BST service to Holyhead on Anglesey with his fourlegged companion. Arriva Trains Wales said horses were not permitted on safety grounds. Meanwhile, the RSPCA said of the station incident it was "not a safe nor acceptable manner in which to transport an equine." It added: "The RSPCA inspectorate are currently viewing the images which have been released to the media.” (BBC News Wales May 19, 2011)
“The price of oil is not determined by the British Parliament. It is determined by some lads riding camels who do not even know how to spell ‘national sovereignty’.” (Vic Feather, former General Secretary of the Trade Union Congress)
“One of my ministers found half-naked with a guardsman in Hyde Park? Last Wednesday? The coldest night of the year? Makes you proud to be British.”” (Winston Churchill, reputedly)
“They say a woman should be a cook in the kitchen and a whore in bed. Unfortunately, my wife is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in bed.” (Anonymous, quoted in Geoffrey Gorer, ‘Exploring English Character’)
“Every man thinks meanly of himself for not having been a soldier.” (Dr Samuel Johnson)
“[The Russian astronaut] seems to have gone round the world 17 times. It is a wonderful feat of science and technology, altho’ I should have thought it rather dull for the man…” (Maurice Harold Macmillan, Earl of Stockton, UK Prime Minister 1957-1963)
“I thought: at this rate, we’re going to have a fuck, and that’s all there is to it. All I had to do was let on I was married and that’d put an end to it, and I should do it because if you fucked one woman who wasn’t your wife, then where would it end? You might as well fuck hundreds, or at least try, and your whole life would be taken up with it.” (Jim Stringer, in "The Last Train to Scarborough", by Andrew Martin)
“So damn your food and damn your wines, Your twisted loaves and twisting vines, Your table d’hôte, your à la carte… From now on you can keep the lot. Take every single thing you’ve got, Your land, your wealth, your men, your dames, Your dream of independent power, And dear old Konrad Adenauer, And stick them up your Eiffel Tower.” (Antony Jay, verse on de Gaulle’s veto of Britain’s application to join the Common Market)
“Jimmy Rend” (Slogan for a Frenchman during the Napoleonic Wars, from the French ‘je me rends’, ‘I surrender’)
“French films follow a basic formula: Husband sleeps with Jeanne because Bernadette cuckolded him by sleeping with Christophe, and in the end they all go to a restaurant.” (Sophie Marceau)
Man tries to board train with pony in Wrexham A man has been captured on CCTV trying to board a train accompanied by a pony. “Shocked staff watched as the man tried to get on the train at Wrexham General station with the white pony in tow. After a conductor refused him entry, the man returned to the ticket booth where he tried to buy two tickets - for himself and the animal. Arriva Trains Wales (ATW) said horses were not permitted on safety grounds. The RSPCA said it was concerned and was viewing the CCTV tapes. The man tried to travel on Saturday's 1902 BST service to Holyhead on Anglesey with his fourlegged companion. The ATW spokeswoman said: "Arriva Trains Wales allows dogs and small animals to travel onboard trains. "All animals, except dogs, must be conveyed within a fully enclosed basket or pet carrier with dimensions not exceeding 85 x 60 x 60cm. "Large animals, including horses and ponies, which may pose a risk to the general public are not permitted travel." She said the man later left the station with the animal, adding: "I'm not aware that anything like this has happened before." Meanwhile, it later emerged the man and pony turned up at the accident and emergency unit at Wrexham Maelor Hospital, asking for treatment for the animal from doctor. A health board spokesman added: "He was politely asked to leave the premises by the Security Guard and duly left, taking the pony with him." In a statement, the RSPCA said of the station incident it was "not a safe nor acceptable manner in which to transport an equine." It added: "The pony could have been injured or could have caused injury to passengers. "Horse owners require passports to move their animals and they should be housed in a safe and secure environment when transported. "The RSPCA inspectorate are currently viewing the images which have been released to the media.” (BBC News Wales, May 18, 2011)
“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.” (Mark Twain)
“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” (General George S. Patton)
“The Pullman cars – there were two of them on the Metropolitan Line named Mayflower and Galatea – continued to run to Aylesbury until the outbreak of the Second World War. Today, of course, there is no need for such dining cars on the Underground: every car is a buffet car, with aromatic take-away meals consumed at every seat and tss-tss-tss music provided by hundreds of insistent ‘personal’ stereos. Dress code for the Underground: American kindergarten [which puts it on a par with undergraduate economics lectures at Ruhr Universität Bochum, the Editor]. Language: Anglo-Saxon.” (Jonathan Glancey, “John Betjeman on trains”)
Celia When I am sad and weary, When I feel all hope has gone, When I walk along High Holborn, I think of you with nothing on. (Adrian Mitchell)
“When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.” (Dr Samuel Johnson)
Oh, London is a fine town, A very famous city, Where all the streets are paved with gold, And all the maidens pretty. (George Colam the Younger)
“Englishmen act better than Frenchmen, and Frenchwomen better than Englishwomen.” (Arnold Bennett)
“I once asked the wife why it takes half a million of sperm to fertilize one egg. She said, ‘Because they’re men, and they won’t ask for directions.’ ” (Bob Monkhouse)
“But it would keep coming back to me that the profession I was entering was unmanly. It came down to this: the lawyers only talked about the railway, instead of doing anything to make trains go.” (Jim Stringer, in "The Last Train to Scarborough", by Andrew Martin)
“It is exciting to have a real crisis on your hands, when you have spent half your political life dealing with humdrum issues like the environment.” (Margaret Thatcher, May 14th, 1982)
“As nervous as I was about this whole process, the one thing I didn't lose sleep over was the possibility of taking bin Laden out. Justice was done. And I think that anyone who would question that the perpetrator of mass murder on American soil didn't deserve what he got needs to have their head examined.” (Barack Obama, President of the United States and Nobel Peace Prize Laureate (2009), CBS News - 60 Minutes, May 8, 2011)
“[Abraham] Lincoln did everything for effect, and his death even got him on the five-dollar bill, whereas in my opinion he should have been tried in absentia for the crimes he committed during the war and the destruction he caused to one of the loveliest societies that ever existed, the antebellum south.” (Taki Theodoracopulos, The Spectator)
“No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.” (Dr Samuel Johnson)
“There will be a moment when you have to decide to take the next step - to win or not to win.” (Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal)
“My waitress might have been Yorkshire, and she might have been Lancashire. Even though I suppose I was quite broad myself I couldn't tell the difference. I sometimes had the notion that Lancashire folk had lower, darker voices that bent like liquorice. They would say 'Lankeysheyore', or 'Blackpewel', putting as many curves as possible into a word. What the two had in common was loudness about the mouth” (Jim Stringer, in "Blackpool Highflyer", by Andrew Martin)
“Inaction is not a neutral position.” (Matthew d'Ancona, political commentator, Weekly Telegraph, March 16-22, 2011)
“Socialism is only workable in Heaven, where it is not needed, but not in Hell, where they have it already.” (Harold Macmillan, Britischer Premierminister 1957-1963)
“While they were waiting at a bus stop in Clermiston, Mr and Mrs Daniel Thirsty were threatened by Mr Robert Clear. 'He demanded that I give him my wife's purse,' said Mr Thirsty. 'Telling him that the purse was in her basket, I bent down, put my hands up her skirt, detached her artificial leg and hit him over the head with it. It was not my intention to do anything more than frighten him off, but unhappily for all of us, he died.'” (Edinburgh Evening News, 1978)
“No 4: Socialize with her friends, but don’t chat them up!” (Extract from “The five most important ways to impress a woman”, heard on BFBS Radio I)
“No 1: Look in her eyes; presumably she’s got two, but if she has only one, don’t stare!” (Extract from “The five most important ways to impress a woman”, heard on BFBS Radio I)
“Gentlemen of the jury: The best friend a man has in this world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name, may become traitors to their faith. The money that a man has, he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it the most. A man’s reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads. The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog. Gentleman him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master’s side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens. If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death.” (George Graham Vest, "Eulogy on the Dog")
"Once upon a time, there was a minor P.M. called Major - one evening at dinner time, unable to finish his Curry and feeling impotent, he went off to the play room to play with his trainset. In the play room, he found his young brother who'd beat him to it, so to prevent a fight, their Nanny (who was in a bit of a State) admonished the children, demanding they find a way to play with their trains quietly. So, as the older of the two, he announced in his little pompous way: I'm bigger than you so I'll be 'Major John' and will take over the trains and you, little brother will work the signals and change the points, so I'll call you 'Ground Control'. So this arrangement, mainly to appease Nanny's State, got off to a very shaky start, with little prospect for getting any better.... Little brother, with nothing better to do than randomly change signals and points, with no care for where Major John wanted to drive the trains found the intransigent pair getting crosser and crosser with Major Tom demanding slicker point and signal response so he could go faster, and Ground Control seeking retribution. So in his baby like way, Ground Control gave Major John an ultimatum: Give me a bag of sweets and I'll change the points however you want and make the signals work to let the trains run through. Despite this superficial gesture, the tension remained. The bickering intensified, the aggro Laboured on; Major John huffed off to bed and Nanny's State grew worse. Ground Control was left alone to run just one train (being a boy, he couldn't multi-task' and run more than one at a time and no one else wanted to play with him because, as the youngest he was Nanny's favourite. Many years passed; then one day, Major John found himself top of the heap. As such he felt he could now take 'real' control of the railways and he persuaded his Cabinet that with his previous railway management experience he would like his Transport Minister to introduce his 'model' concept whereby the Government could earn lots of bags of sweets out of the concept of splitting up the railways into unmanageable lumps based on the principle of 'Divide and Rule'. As a bunch of twits educated to Degree level in Obsequiousness (under Maggie) they all agreed to a wimp ('to a man' would be pushing it a bit!). This, then, is the basis on which our railways became the laughing stock of the world. We can no longer build trains. In a complete role reversal, it saw the UK rail industry in full retreat. Its final capitulation to the Italians saw our tilting train technology handed on a plate to them and what was once our APT is now an Italian Pendolino running under the WCML spaghetti! Rule Britannia? Don't make me laugh!!! P.S. As things later transpired, even in adulthood as P.M., Major John couldn't handle his Curry!!! ” (Pete Joel, SEmG)
"I come in peace, I didn't bring artillery. But I am pleading with you with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all.” (Marine General James Mattis, to Iraqi tribal leaders)
"God loves not singularity: God bindes us to nothing, that was never said but by one. As God loves Sympathy, God loves Symphony; God loves a compassion and fellow feeling of others miseries, that is Sympathy, and God loves Harmony, and fellow-beleeving of others Doctrines, and that is Symphony. No one man makes a Church; no one Church alone makes a Catholique Church." (John Donne)
"In Gin Lane… nothing but idleness, poverty, misery and ruin are to be seen; distress even to madness and death, and not a house in tolerable condition but Pawnbrokers and the Gin shop… [In] Beer Street all is joyous and thriving. Industry and jollity go hand in hand; the Pawnbroker in this happy place is the only house going to ruin." (William Hogarth)
"Arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself." (Milton Friedmann)
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have." (Thomas Jefferson)
"Government’s first duty is to protect the people, not to run their lives." (Ronald Reagan)
"The trouble with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money." (Margaret Thatcher)
"Government is not the solution. Government is the Problem." (Ronald Reagan)
"The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!" (Eleanor Roosevelt)
"I regard it as a privilege to fight for all those things that make life worth living - freedom, honour and fair play." (Pilot Officer William "Bill" Millington, Australian 79 & 249 Squadrons Fighter Command)
"God created man so that one day all people would stand before Him in judgment. It is not up to the United States to make that judgment. But it is the mission of our Armed Forces, for all the enemies of the United States, to speed up that appointment date." (General (ret.) Norman Schwarzkopf, USA)
"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." (Anonymous)
"Schade, daß ich "Weiterführende Mikroökonomik" nicht gemacht habe, ich habe mich dann leider für die dunkle Seite der Macht entschieden, also BWL ..." (anonymer Student, Name ist der Redaktion bekannt, wird aber vertraulich behandelt)
”Matthew died a couple of years ago, partly from an enlarged heart, a condition that was somehow typical of his loving personality.” (Leo McKinstry on a Jack Russell terrier “with the undaunted spirit of an RAF flying ace”)
“Since 9/11 there have been two bombs. One in London and one in Madrid. That’s two bombs in six years. Coming from where I have, I can tell you that’s no campaign. It’s a hobby.” (Patrick Kieltry, Ulster comedian)
“The Afghans will happily fight on for another 50 or 100 years. It’s their favourite pastime anyway.” (A defence analyst on the BBC World Service)
“Notable people who are right-wing live a lot longer than notable people who are decidedly left of centre. This discovery of mine is, you might argue, counter-intuitive; you would expect right-wingers to be eaten away with dyspepsia and choler, the blood vessels on their foreheads popping open every time they read of a mosque about to open, or a wildcat strike about to take place. Whereas lefties, traditionally, possess a communal ethos and are tolerant of the many and diverse ways in which our society expresses itself. Not so, however. They die younger” (Rod Little, writing in The Spectator)
”The typical Telegraph obituary will be of some bewildered old fascist who’s held off 5,000 darkies at Rorke’s Drift, formed an organisation called The League of English Patriots in 1927 after an epiphany upon visiting Rome, and spent the rest of his life on the board of various arms dealers and his Local Neighbourhood Watch committee and was an expert on something arcane – Victorian tram tickets, say or gollywogs. Let’s be honest: he was always of a somewhat rightish hue. The typical Guardian obituary will be some forlorn and ugly woman who wrote a groundbreaking, non-verbal play about lesbian cattle in 1972 and spent the rest of her life in some sinecure at the ‘university’ of Potters Bar Non-Verbal Drama Department.” (Rod Little, writing in The Spectator)
“ [The secession] is not a matter of legal/historic pedantry. Human rights have since become the weapon of choice of ‘progressives’ when they cannot secure their objectives democratically. How else can unpopular measures such as abortion, exclusion of religion from schools or gay marriage be established in the USA if not via unelected judges? A similar tension lies behind the current European debate, with constitutional ‘advances’ promoted by unelected officials of the Commission. We might profitably learn from history that human rights and federal ambitions have a poor record of respecting legislatures and the will of the majority – let alone ‘red lines’.” (Martin Sewell, letter to the Spectator)
”There is nothing a politician likes so little as to be well-informed; it makes decision-making so complex and difficult.” (John Maynard Keynes)
To never do outrage nor murder. Always to flee treason. To by no means be cruel but to give mercy unto him who asks for mercy. To always do ladies, gentlewomen and widows succor. To never force ladies, gentlewomen or widows. Not to take up battles in wrongful quarrels for love or worldly good. (The Knights’ of the Round Table code of chivalry, according to Sir Thomas Malory)
The Spanish Lady Will you hear a Spanish Lady, How an English man she woo'd. Tho' he held her as his captive, Ever gentle was his mood. Tho' by birth and parentage of high degree Much she wept when orders came to set her free. "Gallant captain, shew some mercy To a lady in distress, Leave me not within this city, I shall die of heaviness; 'Tis an empty mockery to set me free While my heart in prison still remains with thee. "It would be a shame, fair lady, Should I bear a woman hence, English soldiers never carry Any such without offense." "O, I'll quickly change myself, if so it be, Like a page, whee'er thou go'st I'll follow thee. "On the seas are many dangers, Many tempests there arise, Which to ladies will be dreadful, Drawing tears from gentle eyes." "Well in troth, will I endure extremitie, I could find in heart to lose my life for thee. "Courteous lady, cease to tempt me, Let us end this gentle strife, I in England have already, A sweet woman to be my wife." "Then within a nunnery immur'd I'll be. Daily pray'rs I'll offer for thy love and thee. "Fare-thee-well, thou gallant captain, Bear they love this chain of gold, Tho' I doated on thee fondly, Count not Spanish ladies bold; Joy and true prosperity still go with thee." "May they ever be thy lot, thou fair ladie. (Anonymous)
"Avram-o-vich" (how to correctly pronounce, at least according to Alan Green, BBC football commentator, Avram Grant, the name of Jose Mourinho's successor as Chelsea manager)
"You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours." (General Sir Charles James Napier's response to a delegation of Hindu elders who complained about the British prohibiting Sati, the custom of burning widows alive on the funeral pyres of their husbands)
"Peccavi." (Latin, meaning "I have sinned"; General Sir Charles James Napier's alleged one-word despatch to headquarters after having quelled an uprising in the north Indian province of Sind on request of the East India Company)
"Omelette, eggs. No eggs, no omelettes. It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have eggs, class one, class two, class three. Some are more expensive than others, and some give you better omelettes. When the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem." (Jose Mourinho on the absence of Frank Lampard, Didier Drogba, Claudio Pizarro, Ricardo Carvalho, Michael Ballack and Wayne Bridge for Chelsea's Champions League opener against Rosenborg)
"Poor is the country that has no heroes, but beggared is that people who, having them, forgets." (Unknown author, quoted by Colonel William A. Jones III, USAF)
Now God wanted a football match And to play it up in heaven But first he needed players And select his first eleven. Georgie Best, big Brian Labone The legend Dixie Dean Alan Ball and Bobby Moore All made it in the team. He needed one more player Someone who would be quick From up above he looked down And saw Rhys there in his kit. So Rhys was taken up above God took him by the hand To play the game he loved so much Where sponsorship is banned. There is no cheating either as God is the referee There are no mega wages And the transfers they are free. The games are live on telly You don't have to subscribe The players all stay on their feet Cos no one takes a dive. So Rhys plays now so happily To the angels in the crowd And every time he hits the net They roar his name so loud. Have fun my little blue boy You're safe and in God's care Till it's time for me to get my boots And join with you up there. (Poem by Stephen Jones, father of murdered Liverpool schoolboy and Everton supporter Rhys Jones)
"We don't have nasty tackles or players who look as if they are diving into a swimming pool. Chelsea are a naïve team, a pure team, in my opinion.” (Jose Mourinho)
"If that's true I am caperucita roja (little red riding hood).” (Rafael Benitez)
"If you are able, save for them a place inside of you and save one backward glance when you are leaving for the places they can no longer go. Be not ashamed to say you loved them, though you may or may not have always. Take what they have taught you with their dying and keep it with your own. And in that time when men decide and feel safe to call the war insane, take one moment to embrace those gentle heroes you left behind.” (Major Michael Davis O'Donnell, listed as KIA February 7, 1978)
“Arsenal 26 France 1” (Manor Ground, Plumstead, December 5, 1904)
“The Arsenale in myne eye excedeth all the rest: For there they haue well neere two hundred galleys.” (William Thomas, A History of Italy, 1549)
“I just think if you give success to stupid people it makes them more stupid sometimes, not more intelligent.” (Arsène Wenger, Arsenal FC manager, on Chelsea FC)
“Wanted! A good woman who can clean and cook fish, dig worms, sew, and owns a good fishing boat and motor. Please enclose photo of boat and motor.” (The Hanover Inn, Harwich)
“Nisi Dominus Frustra” (The heraldic contraction of a verse from Psalm 127 has been adopted by a number of English institutions such as, e.g., the Wellington School in Somerset. In particular, it is closely linked to the Metropolitan Borough of Chelsea: it is the borough’s motto as well as that of Holy Trinity Church (close to Sloane Square). Upon its formation in 1905 it had also been adopted by Chelsea Football Club even though their ground, Stamford Bridge, is only situated in the neighbouring borough of Fulham. The full translation of the verse into (King James) English is “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it”. While “Nothing without God” might well be accepted as a shorter version, “Nothing if not inconsistent”, as has been suggested by some Chelsea fans as a more fitting description having the club’s rollercoaster (pre-Mourinho) history in mind, would certainly not earn any marks in a Latin test, though.)
“Die? My dear doctor, that’s the last thing I shall do.” (Reported last words of Lord Palmerston, British prime minister, who died in office)
“Intelligence reports say Castro is very worried about me. I’m very worried that we can’t come up with something to justify his worrying.” (Ronald Reagan, in his diaries)
“I think I’m hardline and will never appease but I do want to try and let [the Soviets] see there is a better world if they’ll show by deed they want to get along with the free world.” (Ronald Reagan, in his diaries)
"I don’t mind to sound snobby or judgemental but I went and stayed with some mates when they were at university and I didn’t like the way they were living. There seemed to be a lot of time spent doing very little and experimenting with smoking dope and that stuff and I have to admit that on that basis I wouldn’t necessarily send my kids to university. A lot of them didn’t know what they wanted to do when they went to university and changed their minds a few times in the process. I realize that higher education can be of great benefit and is quite a privilege bit I also think it can be a bit of a waste of time unless you apply yourself. It can also give you bad habits in life." (Frank Lampard, professional footballer, Chelsea FC and England)
"Peace is Our Profession" (Motto of the Strategic Air Command since 1958. It was adopted from words to be put on top of a 50 ft Christmas tree erected in front of the SAC HQ at Omaha, Nebraska, a year before; it should have read “Maintaining Peace is Our Profession” but “Maintaining” had to be dropped as otherwise the slogan would have become too long.)
"Peace – the old fashioned way" (From a car sticker showing a black B-52, the SAC’s primary weapon system central to the philosophy of Mutually Assured Destruction during the late 1950s and throughout the 1960s)
"But by the time we had returned, we knew that patriotism had nothing to do with it. Our country had demonstrated quite clearly what it thought of the [Vietnam] war and the people who had fought it. There was no desire to win the war and there was no identification of national interest in Southeast Asia. We looked around and saw a generation of long-haired, slogan-chanting hippies, concerned exclusively with themselves and unwilling to undergo the discomforts of defending their country. The prevailing philosophy was expectation, not obligation. The function of society was to meet the needs of the weak, providing food, clothing, shelter, drugs and sex by taxing the evil, wealthy rich and distributing to the poor, peace-loving masses. If there were ever a threat to the Republic, someone else would defend us. Hell no, they wouldn’t go." (Ed Rasimus, “When Thunder Rolled”)
“The nation that will insist on drawing a broad line of demarcation between the fighting man and the thinking man is liable to find its fighting done by fools and its thinking done by cowards.” (Sir William Butler, Lieutenant-General, 1838 – 1910)
“War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things: the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth a war, is much worse. When a people are used as mere human instruments for firing cannon or thrusting bayonets, in the service and for the selfish purposes of a master, such war degrades a people. A war to protect other human beings against tyrannical injustice; a war to give victory to their own ideas of right and good, and which is their own war, carried on for an honest purpose by their free choice, — is often the means of their regeneration. A man who has nothing which he is willing to fight for, nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety, is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. As long as justice and injustice have not terminated their ever-renewing fight for ascendancy in the affairs of mankind, human beings must be willing, when need is, to do battle for the one against the other.” (John Stuart Mill)
"You can always tell when he's lying, his lips are moving!" (David Frost, broadcaster, on the former UK Prime Minister Harold Wilson)
“[Economists are] people who see something work in practice and wonder if it would work in theory.” (President Ronald Reagan)
“I find myself more and more relying for a solution to our problems on [Adam Smith’s] invisible hand which I tried to eject from economic thinking 20 years ago.” (John Maynard Keynes, a few days before his death in 1946)
“To me it is a time of giving – so who wants my relatives?” (Tim Maloney, Letter to The Sun “to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas”)
“Kent, sir – everybody knows Kent – apples, cherries, hops, and women.“ (Charles Dickens)
"We have to challenge some of the hippy tendencies of the Left. Actually what works is structure, discipline, uniform and hierarchy." (Institute for Public Policy Research)
"Almost everything you touch in British culture, whether it's art, literature or the language itself has been shaped by the Judaeo-Christian tradition, by the Bible, by the Churches, worship and belief." (Michael Nazir-Ali, Bishop of Rochester, on the notion that Britain is a "multi-faith society")
"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.“ (Winston Churchill, 1874 - 1965)
"An investment in knowledge always gives the best return." (Benjamin Franklin, 1706 - 1790)
"It comes dangerously close to an expression of opinion." (The Duke of Wellington when hearing soldiers cheering their officers)
"Aid is the process by which poor people in rich countries give money to rich people in poor countries." (Lord Bauer of Market Ward in the City of Cambridge, professor emeritus of economics at the London School of Economics)
"If you outlaw guns, only the outlaws will have guns." (National Rifle Association)
"You may speak with the tongues of angels and write with the pen of Shakesoeare but you cannot beat news in a newspaper." (Arthur Christiansen, editor of the Daily Express)
"We must print the bad news, but let us print the good news too - there is plenty of it if you look." (Lord Beaverbrook, owner of the Daily Express)
"Modern capitalism and new technology make it possible for millions to scramble on to the plateau hitherto exclusively occupied by the elite." (Arthur Christiansen, editor of the Daily Express)
"What does it matter where this path leads, nowhere or elsewhere?” (Dominique de Villepin, Premierminister von Frankreich)
"Weakness is a provocation.“ (Donald Rumsfeld, Verteidigungsminister der USA)
"And these are the nudes: they are Botticellis, but I call them chilly bottoms." (Prime Minister Harold Wilson während einer Tour durch No. 10 Downing Street zu den 1974 neu gewählten Labour-Abgeordneten.)
"Fat and impotent" (... wünschte sich Winston Churchill Nachkriegsdeutschland.)
„Nations earn their right to rise by service and by sacrifice.“ (once recited by Richard Austin “Rab” Butler, KG, CH)
„You can enjoy wine or women, but to seek to enjoy both leads to downfall.“ (H. E. Wortham)
„Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.“ (The Miller’s Arms, Canterbury, attributed to Jean Kerr)
Remember It was the Veteran, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. It was the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It was the Veteran, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial. It was the Veteran, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the Veteran who salutes the flag, who served under the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag. All gave some, some gave all. (Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, Sergeant, USMC)
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