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" ...
I sit out here on this terrace, three thousand miles from the past,
and stare down the bluff to the weed-choked ocean,
and the last thing I think of is
Chester, Conneticut
... " (p. 80)
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" ...
As I reach the top, where a row of
century cactus
guards the bluff with a hundred swords, I can look back and see
the quarter mile down
Trancas Beach,
empty and all mine, the rotting sandstone cliffs clean as the end of the world
... " (p. 80)
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" ...
The Baldwin place is like none
of these ... Built in 1912, when the Baldwins did own as far as
the eye can see, twenty-two miles of coastline all the way south
through
Malibu to
the edge of
Santa Monica
... " (p. 80)
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" ...
I´ll say this much: considering I´m on
Medi-Cal, living
on six-hundred-bucks-a-month disability, I´m doing very well
to be in a house in a eucalyptus grove, with a view that seems
to go all the way to Hawaii
... " (p. 81)
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" ...
For a minute I was scared to breathe too deep, and kept
kneading my chest in a fruitless amateur version of
CPR. But
the pain was gone
... " (p. 81)
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" ...
And Mona doesn´t indulge me like Gray. She wants me up. For
a renegade dyke committed to anarchy, in fact, she is remarkably
Donna Reed in
her dealings with me, cutting the crusts off sandwiches
... " (p. 81)
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" ...
Cara mia, are you all right? You´re more than usual looking like the
French leftenant´s woman." ...
See? Very Mom-is-it-lunch-yet. "I brought you a tin of shortbread.
Twenty-two bucks at
Neiman´s
... " (p. 82)
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" ...
it keeps the wolf from the door of
AGORA - our
feisty open space in
Venice that
we reclaimed from a ball-point pen factory, famous throughout
the netherworld of Performance, with its own
FBI file
to boot
... " (p. 82)
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" ...
My life on he stage is like a dream to me now," I reply in a dusky
Garbo voice.
"I have put away childish things."
... " (p. 82)
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" ...
before I retired, Miss Jesus was a sensation whenever I did it.
Bomb threads would pour in, and
church groups from Pacoima would
picket back and forth in the parking lot, practically speaking in tongues
... " (p. 82)
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" ...
I push my face close and hiss: "Girl, what´s your problem
today? I did not request an
Ann Landers consultation.
I hope he´s dead, frankly, he may rot in hell
... " (p. 83)
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" ...
Earnest Gray, in drab and rumpled
Brooks Brothers mufti,
his wispy vanishing hair somehow making him look younger than his fifty-one years.
... " (p. 83)
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" ...
And look, we´ll make some
guacamole,"
he says, triumphantly producing three dented avocadoes
... " (p. 84)
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" ...
The ancient curtains are swagged and fringed and look
like they would crumble at the touch. If it sounds a bit
Miss Havisham,
don´t forget the sea breeze blowing through clean as sunlight every day
... " (p. 84)
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" ...
they were all very striking. Wonderful masses of hair,
even when they were old ladies. And they wore these
flowing gowns like Greek statues." "They sound like
Isadora Duncan,"
I say. "They sound like dykes," Mona declares emphatically
... " (p. 85)
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" ...
Gray and Mona are serving the dinner so fast it´s like
Keystone Kops,
a blur of slapstick. Finally, because even I don´t have it
in me to just say get out, I relent and nod curtly to Brian
... " (p. 86)
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" ...
Susan teaches special ed, and Daniel plays
peewee hockey.
A pair of golden retrievers and
a summer place in the
Berkshires.
Somewhere in there the crusts are cut off the bread
... " (p. 89)
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" ...
This is the kicker, that our zombie mother gets to wander through
her lace-curtain rooms, frail as a
Belleek cup,
instead of being a veggie in a nursing home
... " (p. 89)
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" ...
I remember the great drama that erupted when Brian graduated
Fordham,
deciding not to go after the glittering prizes of
Wall Street, opting instead to throw in his plot
with Jerry Curran. It was the only time I ever recall
my father faltering in his worship of Brian, who had
to woo the old man shamelessly to convince him
Curran Construction
would make him rich
... " (p. 89)
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" ...
Don´t ask me when I made my last confession." There´s a
Bing Crosby twinkle
in his eye. I feel the old urge to flash my dick in church
... " (p. 89)
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" ...
I can see the bloom of shock in his face as he rememberes
there´s no phone. It´s nine o´clock on a Saturday night,
and the nearest phone is two miles south at the
Chevron station.
I have no car
... " (p. 90)
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" ...
There´re prescription bottles all over the sink and counter,
like Neely O´Hara in Valley of the Dolls.
Funky towels on the floor and underwear strewn haphazardly
... " (p. 91)
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" ...
My memory is split-screen, the
Dickensian squalor
of my woeful youth against the shine of Brian
... " (p. 91)
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" ...
now it´s come back like a time warp. I´m still
wearing the glove I can´t catch with, a
Wilson fielder.
I´m flinching in the middle of a scrimmage, terrified someone will pass me the ball
... " (p. 92)
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" ...
Fishing among my prescriptions, I palm a
Xanax
and down it. Neely O´Hara again
... " (p. 92)
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