Paul Monette: Part One of "Halfway Home" (1991)
    " ... I sit out here on this terrace, three thousand miles from the past, and stare down the bluff to the weed-choked ocean, and the last thing I think of is Chester, Conneticut ... " (p. 80)

 
    " ... As I reach the top, where a row of century cactus guards the bluff with a hundred swords, I can look back and see the quarter mile down Trancas Beach, empty and all mine, the rotting sandstone cliffs clean as the end of the world ... " (p. 80)

 
    " ... The Baldwin place is like none of these ... Built in 1912, when the Baldwins did own as far as the eye can see, twenty-two miles of coastline all the way south through Malibu to the edge of Santa Monica ... " (p. 80)

 
    " ... I´ll say this much: considering I´m on Medi-Cal, living on six-hundred-bucks-a-month disability, I´m doing very well to be in a house in a eucalyptus grove, with a view that seems to go all the way to Hawaii ... " (p. 81)

 
    " ... For a minute I was scared to breathe too deep, and kept kneading my chest in a fruitless amateur version of CPR. But the pain was gone ... " (p. 81)

 
    " ... And Mona doesn´t indulge me like Gray. She wants me up. For a renegade dyke committed to anarchy, in fact, she is remarkably Donna Reed in her dealings with me, cutting the crusts off sandwiches ... " (p. 81)

 
    " ... Cara mia, are you all right? You´re more than usual looking like the French leftenant´s woman." ... See? Very Mom-is-it-lunch-yet. "I brought you a tin of shortbread. Twenty-two bucks at Neiman´s ... " (p. 82)

 
    " ... it keeps the wolf from the door of AGORA - our feisty open space in Venice that we reclaimed from a ball-point pen factory, famous throughout the netherworld of Performance, with its own FBI file to boot ... " (p. 82)

 
    " ... My life on he stage is like a dream to me now," I reply in a dusky Garbo voice. "I have put away childish things." ... " (p. 82)

 
    " ... before I retired, Miss Jesus was a sensation whenever I did it. Bomb threads would pour in, and church groups from Pacoima would picket back and forth in the parking lot, practically speaking in tongues ... " (p. 82)

 
    " ... I push my face close and hiss: "Girl, what´s your problem today? I did not request an Ann Landers consultation. I hope he´s dead, frankly, he may rot in hell ... " (p. 83)

 
    " ... Earnest Gray, in drab and rumpled Brooks Brothers mufti, his wispy vanishing hair somehow making him look younger than his fifty-one years. ... " (p. 83)

 
    " ... And look, we´ll make some guacamole," he says, triumphantly producing three dented avocadoes ... " (p. 84)

 
    " ... The ancient curtains are swagged and fringed and look like they would crumble at the touch. If it sounds a bit Miss Havisham, don´t forget the sea breeze blowing through clean as sunlight every day ... " (p. 84)

 
    " ... they were all very striking. Wonderful masses of hair, even when they were old ladies. And they wore these flowing gowns like Greek statues." "They sound like Isadora Duncan," I say. "They sound like dykes," Mona declares emphatically ... " (p. 85)

 
    " ... Gray and Mona are serving the dinner so fast it´s like Keystone Kops, a blur of slapstick. Finally, because even I don´t have it in me to just say get out, I relent and nod curtly to Brian ... " (p. 86)

 
    " ... Susan teaches special ed, and Daniel plays peewee hockey. A pair of golden retrievers and a summer place in the Berkshires. Somewhere in there the crusts are cut off the bread ... " (p. 89)

 
    " ... This is the kicker, that our zombie mother gets to wander through her lace-curtain rooms, frail as a Belleek cup, instead of being a veggie in a nursing home ... " (p. 89)

 
    " ... I remember the great drama that erupted when Brian graduated Fordham, deciding not to go after the glittering prizes of Wall Street, opting instead to throw in his plot with Jerry Curran. It was the only time I ever recall my father faltering in his worship of Brian, who had to woo the old man shamelessly to convince him Curran Construction would make him rich ... " (p. 89)

 
    " ... Don´t ask me when I made my last confession." There´s a Bing Crosby twinkle in his eye. I feel the old urge to flash my dick in church ... " (p. 89)

 
    " ... I can see the bloom of shock in his face as he rememberes there´s no phone. It´s nine o´clock on a Saturday night, and the nearest phone is two miles south at the Chevron station. I have no car ... " (p. 90)

 
    " ... There´re prescription bottles all over the sink and counter, like Neely O´Hara in Valley of the Dolls. Funky towels on the floor and underwear strewn haphazardly ... " (p. 91)

 
    " ... My memory is split-screen, the Dickensian squalor of my woeful youth against the shine of Brian ... " (p. 91)

 
    " ... now it´s come back like a time warp. I´m still wearing the glove I can´t catch with, a Wilson fielder. I´m flinching in the middle of a scrimmage, terrified someone will pass me the ball ... " (p. 92)

 
    " ... Fishing among my prescriptions, I palm a Xanax and down it. Neely O´Hara again ... " (p. 92)

 
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